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Old January 15th, 2009, 03:43 PM   #1
mandyboo3
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Angry Overstressed and a doormat

Where do I begin? My husband and I are in the process of buying a house. I am at the point now where I want to back out of it completely. Not because the process itself is stressful, there is a familial aspect to the situation.
My 22 year old stepson who still lives with us has been without a job since the end of June. He had been with the company for 13 months. I can count on one hand the number of times he has went searching for another job since then. In the past 4 years he has worked a combined total of 2 years at 3 jobs. He got in trouble with the law in September and over the past few months the truth has gradually come out as to what happened. I am so stressed that if we buy a house the same crap will follow us and he will continue to be a bum. I just have to get the courage together to tell my husband that I don't want to be a part of buying a house until my SS gets and keeps a job.
Almost two years ago he and his brother went to rehab because of their overwhelming drug habits. A situation that came up is what forced them to go. After they came out they were the kind of people parents want their kids to be. Nice, caring, humble and polite. And drug free. Before they went to rehab, I knew what was happening, but because I'm a step parent, it's harder for me to set limits because my husband has to back me up. I tried to get my husband to see what was going on and he refused. He didn't want to se it. I was at the end of my rope and almost left, that's when my 20 YO SS became a dad, and now I'm back at that feeling. I am so completely and utterly depressed that I have a hard time functioning lately. I stress eat and have gained about 10-15 pounds. I have voiced my concern over my ss's situation to my husband in the past and he agrees that SS needs to work, but hasn't pushed him to work. I know jobs are scarce, but dang it, there are hundreds of jobs out there that he can do that don't require a college degree. He doesn't do anything around the house, just stays in his room and sleeps or watches tv all day or plays video games. I have my own children from a previous marriage who are old enough to know that their older brother is a lazy bum. This is what they see, not what is said in front of them or to them.
SS knows how I feel about his not having a job, but I don't take jabs at him to his face, and I try very hard not to behind his back.

I feel so totally disgusted with myself and everything right now. I called in sick to work today because I just couldn't force myself to get ready and couldn't stop crying. I know many people have it much worse than I do, and I should be thankful. Thankful for the fact that we got to see our savings dwindle to nothing to help he and his 20 year old brother pay their bills because they refused to get jobs?
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Old January 22nd, 2009, 07:48 PM   #2
Kodiak
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Montgomery, AL
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Mandyboo3,
What can I say to that except "ouch". The only advice I can offer as to a job is the one that has worked for me. The military is accepting applications and, at this point in time, may be willing to waive previous "indiscretions". Unfortunately that leaves his family to deal with, at least until he gets his first assignment.
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Old January 23rd, 2009, 07:09 PM   #3
DragonsRain
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Mandyboo, first and most importantly, you need one of these

(((((((((((((((((Mandyboo)))))))))))))))))))) a hug of support I am in the same situation although my SS is 18. He has a drinking problem that he uses to cover depression issues. What I did was this. When their mother wasn't able to understand my side of it, I told her that if things didn't change, we would have to break up. We have been together for 13 years. She has 3 boys that I have raised. She finally grew the needed backbone and gave him tough love. Maybe telling your husband that you are not ready to buy a new home until you are both in the same boat. Your SS will have to hit bottom, as will mine. I wish I had some magical answer that could make your life better because if I could, I would do it to myself lol. Please take care of YOU, because if you don't, you are no good to anyone. And also, you need to be prepared and ready to leave if your husband will not understand your "side". No empty threats. Mega hugs your way and hope u post back!!!
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